Taking it back..

When I think back to my previous relationships, with my new knowledge of myself and what I am, I can sort of see how everything fits. I don’t remember exactly when I knew I wasn’t like ordinary girls, the vanilla type, as some would call it… but I do remember knowing that there had to be more to sex than just lying there underneath some dude while he tried to get his rocks off, grunting and groaning above me.

I always wanted more, I never felt fully satisfied. There was something missing and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I wanted to see what the big deal was, because what I had, wasn’t anything as great as people made it out to be…  I started reading everything I could get my hands on.  I was curious and open minded. I finally got my hands on those sleeping beauty books that Ann Rice penned secretly… I was hooked.

In my strictly religiously brought up mind, I knew it was ‘naughty’. I knew I shouldn’t like to read stories about men and women being forced to do these things… about how they came to realize the pleasure they gave and received outweighed the pain. I knew I shouldn’t keep reading, keep searching for more stories like them online; but I still did it anyway. I couldn’t deny the rush of blood to my cheeks and my heart pounding against my chest as I thought about those things being done to me. About being tied up and my control taken away… how freeing that might be. How… intoxicating it could be. I wanted it, badly.

Flash forward a few years, I wasn’t as wild as I’d used to be, found Fifty Shades, read them like they were going out of style. My sex drive revved and I kept reading. Kept searching for new stories online, finding new kinks I never thought I’d like, but did… kept using my vibe secretly while my husband was at work when I had days off.  I’d be writhing around our bed thinking about him taking control. Calling me his, making me do whatever he told me to. I’d tip toe around asking him about it. He always had so much going on with kiddo #1 and work. It never really stuck that we both liked it rougher.

Boom, cut to, we got into our new house, Hubby quit his bank job and started up his own business, we had our baby together, and we started opening up. I think him not being able to be ‘rough’ with me while I was pregnant really bothered him.  He told me he missed tossing me around. One thing led to another… here we are.

Now that I’ve found my Daddy, I don’t ever feel unsatisfied. Even before we discovered these ‘hidden’ sides of ourselves (that fit together perfectly) I was never unhappy. He always took care of me, ALWAYS. It was nice, beautiful and scary to have someone take care of me. In all my previous relationships, I was always the ‘adult.’ To have this gorgeous man, check in with me, tell me I’m beautiful every chance he got, and make me homemade chicken noodle soup, along with anything else my heart could desire… was… mind blowing.  ‘You can have whatever you like’ by TI would have been his perfect theme song at that time.

 

‘Little/Sub’ Definitions..

I’ve always been a giving person, more than willing to make sure everyone else was happy and taken care of. My thoughts and feelings never really used to come into my decision making. Everyone else comes before my needs. (It’s something I’m working on.) To show my love and appreciation, I tend show it through my actions. I can be overly affectionate… I get clingy and playful. (Sound familiar to any of my little, sub friends?) It’s just my normal.

I love coloring, and crafts of pretty much any kind. I’m a big fan of hemp jewelry and anything with glitter! I will always be down to watch a Disney movie, and yes, I will cry at every single one of them. I love ‘little’ food, which comes in handy as I have my two growing boys at home. J   Lunchables, mac and cheese, chips and dip, frozen pizzas, homemade chicken nuggets, hot dogs, are all my favorites. Don’t get me wrong or misconstrued. I love me some red cabernet sauvignon and rare as fuck steak.  Love to sit with my husband and watch movies like Interstellar and Wolf of Wall Street and Cosmos. He has spread his love of space and the universe with me and it’s now something we both share. I work a 8-5 job in the health care front desk field and am extremely happy with where I’m at in my ‘career’.  I don’t want to live to work… I unfortunately have to work to live. I’d much rather just LIVE. (Ha-ha, wouldn’t we all?) Having a day job and kiddos and family and friends that don’t understand can make keeping my little side separate sort of hard. It can be tough to not let myself slip into my ‘I just want my daddy and to cuddle and be used for his pleasure’ mindset. I’m learning to balance it out. Sometimes I get crabby if I don’t get my Daddy time in on the weekends, which leads me to get a couple sweet swats on my tushy right on the spot. Sometimes I try to be more feisty than normal. 😉 I’m just regular ole me!

 

Daddy and I just started out on this journey early this summer. It’s taking a lot of communication and honesty and trust. It started off with a night of tequila and us spilling verbally how dirty we really want to be with each other. It was such a fun night, I was so wet, and I called him my Dom for a while. Until I did more research, I found that our relationship was more Dd/Lg like. I told daddy about it and he agreed. He isn’t into rules and regulations so much yet, HOWEVER! I do have a new rule that was established and put into place this week! I am to be thoroughly inspected before I change out of my work clothes every week day. *knees get weak* Daddy gets to look up close and personal at what is his and his alone… I get all tingly just thinking about it. Yes, it seems pretty invasive, but I am his. He can do anything he wants to me. I don’t have to worry about making those choices. J  I have never felt more connected to any one in my life. I adore him, I trust him and I know he will ALWAYS take care of his baby girl.

 

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